Light and his Merry Hobo Friends
by Unterseeboot
Summary: Light Yagami is suddenly homeless in San Francisco. One-shot.


Heh… so this was completely just to kill time. There is no plot. I should be sued for this story. It's just a one-shot. Light is totally out of character. I apologize for this abomination of a fanfic. But I was so bored, cause I was on a rode trip in Utah, and I was about to die of boredom. –bows- Forgive me! I rated this M for language, just to be safe.

P.S. I don't usually write in first person, so don't be alarmed if it kind of sucks.

Light and his Band of Hobo Friends

This is so shitty. I cannot comprehend how I, the one who was to be the god of the new world, ended up sitting around a metal fire pit in the Tenderloin in San Francisco, sharing weed with Misa(my sort of maybe girlfriend), L(the former greatest detective in the world), Mello(L's successor) and Matt(Mello's bitch/techie guy). That douche nozzle Ryuk totally ditched me, I dropped out of college cause my fucking crusty prof. tried to send me to a fucking loony bin, got kicked out of my own house, and lost my ability to kill people. Misa decided to follow me down (cause she's weird like that). Mello, Matt, and L must have lost their renown after failing to catch Kira(the fuckers) or something, cause we're all broke and homeless now. I passed my weed to Misa, who took a long drag on it and puffed out some smoke. She giggled all giddily like a little girl and passed it to Matt. L looked up at her like, WTF?.

"Did someone make a joke?" Now this is something only L could say. She was obviously giggling because she was high, but L just couldn't get the idea of highness through his mother-fucking head.

"God you fucking idiot, it's cause she's high." Misa started to laugh even harder, until she was fucking rolling on the floor laughing her ass off. So me and Mello are looking at her like, Bitch please, but Matt was all laughing with her and shit, and so now we have two total dumb-asses rolling on the concrete, and Mello is like, roasting a fucking cat over the fire pit, and I'm like, What the fuck, and so I ask Mello:

"Where the fuck did you find that." And he's all:

"I found it some alley and shot it's ass." He pointed at his gun and everything, and I was like:

"Cool." And he said,

"Yeah." And Misa and Matt are still rolling on the ground, and L is just staring at Mello's cat. And so I totally started mulling over this shit like, how the fuck did I get here when I hear these dogs barking. One of them was all yappy and shit and the other was deeper, probably a Labrador or something. So me and Mello turn around, and Matt and Misa finally get off the floor, and so in the alley behind us, this old guy with these two dogs comes out, one golden retriever and one Boston terrier. And I'm like, WTF?, but Matt is all happy and surprised and shit, and he runs up to the old guy and starts talking to him. So he's like,

"Your Highness! What brings you here?" And the old guy says,

" Matthew my boy! Me and the men were just patrolling as usual. It's my duty as the emperor of San Francisco after all." And so now I am royally confused(no pun intended), so I ask,

"What do you mean Emperor?" Matt turned around all happy and was like,

"This is the emperor of San Francisco. Your majesty, this is Light Yagami, Misa Amane, Mello, And L. We all lost our jobs and we're homeless now." The Emperor shook his head like he was pitying a kitten in a viral video.

"Poor lad. Good fortune will come soon my boy." The emperor patted Matt's head, and picked up his Boston terrier, stuffed it in his jacket pocket, and walked back the way he came. I guess Misa couldn't take it anymore. She started laughing again, all rolling on the floor and shit, and she hit her head on the fire pit, and she was like,

"OH SHIT! WTF!" I started laughing at her. It was too fucking ridiculous. Matt and Mello laughed too. Even L cracked a microscopic smile. What a fucking joke.

A/N: I'm sorry, I was so bored. If you've ever read Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job, or Bite Me, you'll recognize the emperor and his men(who are named Bummer and Lazurus by the by) so I guess it's technically a crossover, but I didn't feel like marking it as such. I know there is no plot and no point, but I was killing time, so forgive me.


End file.
